Alcoholism

[Andrew]

I think the social stigma of being an alcoholic would end my marriage.  I don't think my wife could accept it. My wife isn't happy about the amount I drink... she isn't really aware of the extent of my drinking.

She probably knows more than she lets on. Man, I wish you all the best. I have a heavy drinker in the family, and it's really hard. And the hardest part is that she won't admit she has a problem, no matter how much evidence the rest of us show her. You're doing well by yourself. You're doing well by your family. Be strong. Accept help and support.

[bonejoyII]

I haven't looked at this thread for a week or two and didn't see some of the posts, but thanks for the support.  I've been trying to cut down on the booze.  Some days I'm OK, some I'm not.  I'm just taking things day by day at the moment, without too many great expectations.  I can see that from the very initial stages, it's taken me about 8 years to get to this point, so I don't think it can be turned round over night, and it may take as many years to get back to normal, but Ive made the first steps towards that.

I actually talked to my wife about it recently, and we tried to identify root issues for what drove me to become an alcoholic.  She was incredibly understanding and supportive.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a bad alcoholic!  I don't become violent and smash everything up, or urinate in the wardrobe.  I just drink far too much on a daily basis, and climb the walls if I can't drink for whatever reason.....

[agogobil]

"Alcoholism (have any of you battled with it?)" ... yeah, I battled and always lost.  It wasn't until I surrendered that I was able to stop (I learn this from others who were in the same boat).  I've been hanging with the winners for over 8 years now, one day at a time.  

Works for me (and many others).

Good luck, Bonejoy.  You have a choice today.

[Bullshark]

I was in the same boat as you - It nearly cost me my job and I was in a relationship with another alcoholic- It took me watching her health (both physical and mental) go downhill fast to admit to myself I had a BIG problem.  It sounds like you are "hitting the bottom of the barrel", which is what it takes in many cases.  I was driving to work one morning - looked at a my hands shaking because I needed a drink and pulled into a residential recovery center and checked myself in.  I stayed for 5 days (money well-spent), went through an intensive outpatient program after the residential center time and joined AA.  It has been over 2 years and it feels so great to be in control of my life.  Believe me - I know what you are going through.  You have to put it down.  I too tried "limiting" my consumption, but that just delays the inevitable.  As for your family - I hate to say it but we are talking life and death here.  You have to do this for yourself - before you can do anything for anyone else.  If they are supportive (I found that people I thought would look down on me for being weak actually admired my strength for admitting my problem and DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT) that is great.  If not - like I said - It is your life we are talking about.  I lost my relationship with someone very important to me but I gained back my life.  All my best to you and as they say in AA - one day at a time (PS - AA really does work!)  

[skaman]

And know, that this isnt any shame. My father refused help, couse he was in shame. Hi didnt want to admit that he was a drunk, even when whole village knew it. Than he was really seek, he was in comma for 2 months and had a hospital treatment for two more months (not alcoholist treatment). He had real luck to survive. God gave him another chance. He had a time to think about it in hospital and he realised that he was wrong. he dosent drink for few months now and he is well again but with lot of consequences. He already toally lost his familly: me, my mother, my sister, his sister... but now we are so happy for him, that he got us back.

Alcoholism totally damages your common sense, so you dont harm only yourself but almost everybody arrond you. You dont want to become a monster bonejoy11.

I 100 % support you and I apeall to you take your actin now! Begin with treatment now. You will be so happy when you make it, that you will cry and scream for few days.

You're gonna make it man!!!!!

[Rusty Beckett]

Its been about 5 months since this thread was started and how is BonejoyII doing?

I'm about 15 years clean and sober.  I had checked myself into a rehab center when I admitted I had a problem (hit bottom in plainer language) and the most help they provided was to direct me to get involved with AA or NA.  I was on the west coast, in one of the bigger cities in the Northwest and after jumping around different meetings found one called "Musicians in Recovery".  I attribute my sanity, sobriety and the ability to continue playing to the guys and gals I met in that group.  Most were working players and several were in some of the areas hottest bands.  

Id strongly recommend finding a support group.  Some of the "regular" AA/NA members couldnt identify with those of us who continued frequenting bars after deciding to quit drinking.  And, unless youre a player that only works in studios you will find yourself in places where drinks are available and drinking is encouraged.  The people in the MiR group were some of the best people Ive ever met in my life and if I hadnt left that area Im sure would still be good friends.

Through all that I discovered I could play and live well (even better!) without drugs and alcohol.

Good Luck . . .

[bonejoyII]

Thanks.

Has been a bit of a roller coaster couple of months.  I pulled back on the drinking and thought I had it under control just drinking moderate amounts, but relapsed and went even further into the alcohol abyss.  This only lasted a month or so, but I was out of control and really hit the bottom until a couple of weeks ago when I had a bit of a sobering experience.  It was like somebody had showed me a video of how my life had become...pitiful really.

I haven't touched a drop in over a week now, and I'm feeling OK.  First few days were a bit weird cos I kept getting the shakes.  It's probably the first time in over 6 years that my body hasn't had any alcohol in it.  I haven't gone to the AA yet, but if I lapse again then I'll go.

This thread has been helpfull, if only to be able to write about it and be concious of how I feel...as well as reading other peoples experiences

Thanks.

[Chip Donaho]

Just think about how far a $4,000 DUI could go towards new drums....  ;)

[Roger Beverage]

Drop in on a meeting and see what it is all about.  Just a suggestion.

Roger

[Drumodad]

Bonejoy,Hi I am Charlie and I`m an addict.Like it was said in previous posts,admitting it is a big step,some people with dependancy problems will never see it! I have been sober for over twenty years.Quitting booze for me was a must,not only for my health,and the health for those around me,but to break a cycle that has run in my family for more than three generations.It it genetic and we are all a product of our enviroment.I refuse to expose my kids to the kind of crap I grew up with. I lost my father to booze,I lost my stepfather to booze! I feel that someday the phone will ring with bad news about one or both of my brothers,they both still drink heavily,and refuse to see it.Quitting drinking was not hard for me,because I knew I had to stop.What has been,and still is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with is my drug addiction.I dont like to preach,so I will just say that I am in my third month of recovery,I go to N.A. meetings at least once a week,just got a sponser yesterday.Through N.A. I am able to abstain from use with the support from fellow addicts.This is the only way I can make it.Get a sponser,go to meetings,keep in your mind all the benefits of not drinking,all the downfalls of drinking. If you join A.A or N.A.,remember the most important part,keep coming back.I wish you all the luck in the world.

[bonejoyII]

Hi all.   Been away for a while.  Things are going pretty well regarding the drink because I'm more concious of it.  I have good periods when I'm in control, and inevitably bad periods when it controls me.  I saw Smoggs post about her neighbour, and one of the most famous alcoholics in the UK 'George Best' died this week.....as well as that, I got some stern words form my wife tonight....

WAKE UP time!!

I sold my V-drums, sold my maple kit, and haven't played for around 6 months now.  I've kept my VERY old kit that I started out with, but when my last band split up, that was it for me....I just can't be bothered anymore.....

[agogobil]

Best wishes to you, Bonejoy ... I do hope you use this opportunity to make a decision about where you want to go in life.  Many people don't get that chance.  

Remember ... if you need to chat, we're here.  PM, email, if you want.

We've been there.

[Roger Beverage]

Go to meetings.

Get a sponsor.

Stop trying to do it on your own.

Been there.

Roger

[Tae]

It's taken me quite a while to realize that I'm an alcoholic (this isn't as joke)...  I have a serious drink problem. :(

Any of you been where I am?  How did you deal with it?

One of my family members is in rehab for drinking. He said its a step by step thing. I don't know you but from experience with seeing this family member I am glad that you have taken your first step, admitting you have a problem. And the second step you have taken. Telling someone that you have a problem. The third step is facing the problem and getting help from others. I wish the best of luck to you.

[DrumsUp]

Maybe your wife is aware of your problem but afraid to bring it up.  Could be that if you tell her you have accepted the fact that it is a problem and are going to seek help, she'll be relieved and offer encouragement.  That's how it was for me.  No one feels as alone as someone who has a host of silent supporters.

Good luck and God (Allah, Buddha Cosmic Muffin) bless you.

[KEW]

A lot of people do quit on there own but you can end up with whatââ,¬â,,¢s called ââ,¬Å"dry drunk syndrome.ââ,¬Â  Itââ,¬â,,¢s when someone doesnââ,¬â,,¢t drink anymore but the alcoholic behavior and feeling miserable all the time continue.  This is where AA or some form of therapy comes in.
AA isnââ,¬â,,¢t about getting sober itââ,¬â,,¢s about living sober.

Good Luck

[Danno]

Go to meetings.

Get a sponsor.

Stop trying to do it on your own.

Been there.

Roger

What he said.

[rocksnob]

I was just forced to cease drinking due to health. I never drank anything but beer and wine, however, I started @15 and I'm 42 now. Anyway, apparently my liver swelled and the Doc said "Quit or Die." 'Nuff said. Luckily, I'm not having any problem staying away from it. Impending death had a remarkably sobering (pun intended) affect on me. Through a little research I discovered that I'm an alcohol abuser--not physically addicted, but drink until drunk every time. I really don't see the point in drinking and not getting buzzed. I'm an all or nothing kind of guy, so now it's NOTHING. Cool beans. I feel sooooo much better. From now on its healthy food, exercise and....oh Drumming!!!!!!!!!!!!! The best buzz and therapy there is as far as I'm concerned. Good luck Brother-Don't EVER give up. Get help and make sober friends. If you fall off the wagon-don't worry-just keep getting back on -That's the key. It's like living in water your whole life; and now that you are on dry land; all you can think about is jumping back in the water. Don't do it-move farther inland. I wish you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart.  

[eardrum]

The past 8 months, I've been in a band thats been playing at church based recovery meetings.  We've been doing approximately two of these gigs a month all over the SF Bay Area.  The people who come (including the band) really enjoy it but it's become very clear to me that "addiction" is a lot bigger problem than I ever imagined.  Four words come to mind "YOU ARE NOT ALONE".  There are folks who come to these things by court order (hey, how many of you have a judge sending you an audience?); there are folks who are dragged in by friends because they just hit bottom.  One of the speakers "found Jesus" at San Quentin after killing someone DUI - in the same meeting, we heard of another similar story.  Some of them look like the typical mom/dad across the street (they are!).  If you don't know someone suffering from this problem - you are wrong - it just hasn't hit the fan yet.  If you think you have a problem with any addiction, there are lots of places to get help - PLEASE, don't wait till you destroy your family, your liver explodes or you kill someone!!

[messerschmitt]

I was just forced to cease drinking due to health. I never drank anything but beer and wine, however, I started @15 and I'm 42 now. Anyway, apparently my liver swelled and the Doc said "Quit or Die." 'Nuff said. Luckily, I'm not having any problem staying away from it. Impending death had a remarkably sobering (pun intended) affect on me. Through a little research I discovered that I'm an alcohol abuser--not physically addicted, but drink until drunk every time. I really don't see the point in drinking and not getting buzzed. I'm an all or nothing kind of guy, so now it's NOTHING. Cool beans. I feel sooooo much better. From now on its healthy food, exercise and....oh Drumming!!!!!!!!!!!!! The best buzz and therapy there is as far as I'm concerned. Good luck Brother-Don't EVER give up. Get help and make sober friends. If you fall off the wagon-don't worry-just keep getting back on -That's the key. It's like living in water your whole life; and now that you are on dry land; all you can think about is jumping back in the water. Don't do it-move farther inland. I wish you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart.  

Hey, Rocksnob, I'm in the very similar position. Started drinking with the crowd (because it was "cool") at the age of 14 and have been drinking since. Since I've got married it has gotten better and now I basically drink only on some rehearsals and (still) ALL gigs. A few years ago I started to experience some kinda dull, uncomfortable feeling in the liver area. I did the liver-test thing and the results were bad. The doctor wasn't concerned, though. She said that those results can't be a drinking consequence and that a smart guy like me is not a wino prototype (I have a bachelor's degree in Economics and have a job with great income besides drumming). All of that cannot deny the fact that, just like you did, whenever I start drinking with the boyz from the band, I can't seem to stop, until I'm wasted. That's because I don't feel the pain while drinking, but only the following day/s, when I (again and again) swear to myself I will not do that again.
Recently I decided I will not drink alcohol AT ALL, except on gigs, which is like 3-4 times a month. In the meantime I started taking some pills which are supposed to help the liver work and @$%#...
Reading all this made me realize there are a bunch of ppl in this position.. I have a 1.5 year old daughter and I want her to grow up happily and have a living father in the meantime. :-) I have to find a way to quit altogether!